Welcome to the new sexual game show, “I CAN’T GET IT UP”!
11 MAR 2024
∙ PAID
60
Hi everybody, this is Bob Screech, your host on the number one television game show, I CAN’T GET IT UP.
Tonight, we have three more men who can’t get and maintain an erection, suffer from low semen volume, low sperm count, reduced orgasm, feel no pleasure, and have lost interest in the opposite sex.
As usual, these men have all been taking SSRI antidepressants, a major cause of those problems.
You viewers at home, listen to their stories carefully, because you’re going to vote for a winner, who will receive a cash prize of 500 hundred thousand dollars. We’ll announce the winner on X and Instagram tomorrow morning.
OK. Bill Hennings, our first contestant, is a welder from Dayton, Ohio. Bill is going through a painful divorce from his wife, Emily. So Bill, what have you done to cope with your loss of sexual desire?
“Well, Bob, I’ve been seeing a counselor and talking to her about identifying as a woman. I believe this could be an answer for me. I used to be interested in women. So maybe that interest was really covering up a desire to BE one. I probably have Gender Dysphoria. Just the other day, I thought about identifying as Oprah. I’d have to put on some weight, but I’m sure I could handle that by eating more junk food. I’d start my own YouTube channel and interview spiritual leaders and review books. I’m kind of pumped by the idea. The world is suffering from all sorts of conflicts, and we need spiritual guidance at this time. I think I could provide that. Also, I’ve always wanted to live in Hawaii.”
APPLAUSE.
Not bad, Bill, not bad at all. Oprah. Heck of an idea. Interesting coping mechanism. All right, our next contestant is Frank Wilson, an accountant from St. Louis. Frank can’t get it up anymore, so let’s hear how he’s dealing with the problem. Frank?
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