If you wonder why certain things happen to you or why you take certain actions that you didn’t think were intended, it may not be the conscious part of you making those decisions.
Deep within our minds are parts of us that have been suppressed because we were not emotionally mature enough to handle the impact of a highly sensitive situation. This could be the death of a loved one, illness of ourselves or others, loss of a pet, a feeling of abandonment, betrayal, feeling ashamed or guilty or fear of not being loved or losing love.
Even if your home was filled with love and support during your growing up years, there can be a suppressed emotional wound from feeling left out, bullied or not smart enough during your primary school years. Any charged negative emotion about oneself or the world that has not been fully processed is most likely still active in your unconscious mind. A fully processed negatively charged emotion means returning back to a feeling of calm and safety. When these suppressed parts of us remain unprocessed, they continue to seek expression through us in desperate ways.
Charged emotional events are situations where we felt disempowered, a loss of control, a feeling of inferiority to others or a disconnect from someone we need in our lives. Emotional traumas can feel life-threatening to the mind of a child. When something feels life-threatening, the emotions experienced can cause deep fear.
Emotions are made up of energy and when negative emotions are suppressed, the energy of the emotions gets trapped in the physical body. The energy becomes an imprint of fear on the nervous system causing you to want to fight, flee or shut down for safety whenever you are in a similar situation. The body still has the imprint of fear because the emotional event has not been fully processed. An unresolved emotional situation generates fear thoughts from the unconscious mind and keeps the body in survival mode.
This suppressed energy and the continuous negative thoughts associated with an emotional event take on its own personality. It feels like a separate part of us because we are not aware of it. This part of us may feel angry, sad, deeply depressed, resentful or distrustful. It is this part of us that takes control over our decisions because of the deep fear it is experiencing whenever we step out of its comfort zone. Since it is a part of who we are, and since we don’t know it exists because it lives inside the unconscious mind, we are completely unaware of this driving force behind many of our decisions.
To keep us feeling accepted and safe in the world as we grow into our adulthood, the ego mind, which is part of the conscious mind, serves as a protector. The ego protects these wounded parts of us by keeping them from our conscious awareness. When these parts of us do get triggered by something in the current environment, the ego will find a way to distract us from feeling the pain of the wound. The ego seeks distraction through outside stimuli like shopping, television, social media or by numbing through alcohol, recreational drugs, oversleeping or by avoidance – running away or hiding from situations that will trigger these unhealed wounds.
The feeling of disconnect from another part of us is what throws our energy body out of balance. This is because the energy of unresolved emotional traumas is a stagnant energy that feels heavy in the body. These parts of us are trapped in the space and time of the emotional event causing the nervous system to stay in a fight, flight or freeze pattern. It is these patterns that keep us limited in life, cause us to make decisions that may not be for our highest good and keep us energy deficient which could make us feel lethargic and unmotivated.
As adults, with knowledge, wisdom and experience in life, it is our obligation to allow the suppressed parts within us to be expressed with our compassionate guidance. When we don’t allow these parts of us to express themselves, the energy expresses itself inside the body and can cause weakness, low immune system, pain and illness. Giving a voice to the wounded parts of the whole of oneself will transmute the energy trapped in the body from negative, thick, heavy and stagnant to positive or neutral, relaxed, flowing. This is because the nervous system will relax and will not be on high alert due to over protection by the ego.
Sometimes there is more than one part of us that needs a voice because there may be several wounded parts of the self, some of which may be in conflict with each other. One part may want to be seen and heard in the world because it craves attention due to childhood neglect, but another part of the self may fear rejection due to childhood criticisms, so it wants the self to stay unnoticed. This keeps the self in limbo because when one part of the self begins to engage in attention seeking activities, the other part starts to feel uneasy. The ego always wants to play it safe, but also wants the self to get its needs met. This keeps the whole self in a limited lifestyle that is never fully satisfying. It is, however, safe.
There is a way to give a voice to the wounded and conflicted parts of ourselves. When we give these parts of us a voice and we listen with a compassionate heart, we can help these parts heal their unhealed pain, resolve their fears and assist them back to the truth of who we are – wise divine beings. This will allow us to have more clarity when making decisions and gives us the opportunity to step into our desires and goals in this lifetime without the interference from the ego self.
The first step would be to get your energy out of your analytical mind where the ego resides, and into the heart of who you are. This is where you will find the divine wisdom that lives within you.
You can begin this process by following these steps:
1 – Find a comfortable place where you can relax, close your eyes and where you will not be disturbed for at least 20-30 minutes. It would be best to have water and tissues nearby. Start by taking long deep breaths in and exhale the breath into the center of your heart. As you do that, imagine your heart opening wide and the breath flowing deeper inside with each exhale.
2 – As you feel the breath flowing into your heart, ask for the part of you that needs healing to step forward. You may see this part of you or you may just feel its energy. This is another version of you from an earlier time that is trapped in the energy of fear. It may feel like this part runs to you or it may feel standoffish or you may sense it is hiding. This part may be afraid and distrustful. You will need to be patient.
3 – If nothing shows up for you, it may be because this part is hiding behind a very thick protector created by the ego mind. The more you relax your body with your breath, the easier it will be to access your wounded parts. If you have a strong protector part, ask your protector part to allow you access so this part of you can heal. Let your protector part know that you are here only to bring love and safety. If you are still having a difficult time accessing your wounded parts, let your wounded parts know that it’s alright to not feel ready and that you will come back another time. This means you are letting your wounded parts know that you are not giving up and that you respect that these parts need more time. Close with wise, kind and compassionate words and come back to this exercise within a few days.
4 – When you are successful accessing a wounded part of you, stay with it and bring it comfort by letting it know you are here with love and compassion and want to help. Ask this part of you what it needs that it did not receive. When you hear or somehow sense what that is, offer that from your wise, divine self to this hurt and disconnected part of you. Surround this part of you with all the love that comes from a compassionate heart. Continue to work with this part of you, being patient with its response and keep the dialogue going for as long as it needs to.
5 – Finally, when this wounded part feels connected to you and feels your love and acceptance, invite this part of you back into the whole of who you are by imagining that this part of you is the size of the palm of your hands, that you are picking this part of you up and placing this part of you into your heart. Let this part of you know that it is home, where it belongs, in your heart. Let it know that it the trauma is over, it’s in a safe place and is now able to grow up with the rest of you.
This healing and reintegration of your disconnected and disowned parts will help you make adult decisions from a wise mature place instead of a place of fear and survival.
It may take time for parts of you to trust again. It’s important that you don’t give up. These wounded parts need to be heard without judgment or fear – only understanding, acceptance, love and compassion.
I wish you all the best on your healing journey. All parts of you deserve a voice. Even if these parts of you didn’t have a voice during an emotional trauma. They can have that voice now through you. Once you no longer feel shut down and afraid, you become more connected to the truth of who you are as a divine being and this means you are unstoppable this world. Let those unheard parts be heard.
Article sources:
Hypnosis for Inner Conflict Resolution, Introducing Parts Therapy, By Roy Hunter, MS FAPHP
The Body Keeps the Score, Mind Brain and Body in the Healing of Trauma, By Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.
Parts Psychology, a Trauma-Based Self-State Therapy for Emotional Healing, by Jay Noricks