Breaking: Insects fart, too
Get ready for a truly startling fact
JUN 14, 2024
∙ PAID
I tried Bill Gates’ scorpion salad and woke up in the ER watching the NBA finals.
Couple of funny things. The salad tasted pretty good. And the Celtics and Mavericks all looked like insects.
The doctor told me I was hallucinating. But the way the guys passed and shot the ball with their antennae was quite intricate and detailed. I think I pushed through into a deeper reality.
I’m back home now injecting myself with anti-venom every hour. Just to clean up the residual poison.
“Well,” the anthropologists say, “Ancient peoples have eaten insects for centuries.”
The thing is, we are not ancient today. Should we abandon the wheel because African tribes didn’t have it?
The major argument against beef now seems to be cows farting. Causing the planet to warm. Uh-huh.
My thought is beef makes people stronger. That’s a danger signal to slave masters. Gates himself says he has to fight off the urge to eat cheeseburgers. I don’t think he’ll win that fight. He’ll succumb, chow down on the most expensive flown-in Prime in the world, and say (to himself), “What am I, crazy? Beef is wonderful. I don’t need to stop eating it. Everyone else has to.”
The carnivore-diet people tell us it’s really the fat on the meat that’s essential. If they’re right, where is the fat on ants or cockroaches? They don’t seem to be portly creatures.
OK. Here is the big reveal. Insect burgers for everyone in the world? It turns out that every year, all the insects on planet Earth excrete (fart)…
3.5 TRILLION metric tons of carbon dioxide and methane.
Therefore, to stop warming, shouldn’t we kill all the insects?
Damn right we should.
And down the drain goes that utopian dream of humans eating insects instead of cow meat.
Case closed.
In case you’re interested, here is ChatGPT’s blow by blow assessment and estimate of total global insect farting output:
I assume insects excrete gas, just like humans do. Right?
ChatGPT:
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